Thursday, August 17, 2017

Dear Baby

We are patiently awaiting your arrival and couldn't be more excited to meet you. These last few months have filled me up with so much love and I'm not sure how I'll have room for any more love, but I've been told my heart will open up when I finally get to meet you.  Every movement and every kick reminds me how lucky I am to be able to watch you grow in my belly. Your due date is in four days and everyone is rooting for you, especially me because things are getting a little cramped in here.

Your nursery is ready and the house is spotless, and there's nothing else to do but soak up our time together before we become a family of four, forever changed by our rainbow baby.

Your dad is waiting eagerly by the phone for the time I call him to come home from work, and I can tell he already loves you so much because he is fiercely protective of me.  He won't even let me get to close to the curb of the sidewalk when we go for our nightly walks.  He is such a good dad already, so you'll be the luckiest girl in the world when you decide to join our family.  

Your big sister is amazing. She's smart and funny and she's so excited to teach you everything she knows.  There is no one more excited to meet you than her.  She's getting pretty sick of being the only kid around a bunch of boring adults all the time and I bet she can't wait to show you all her tricks, like how to climb on the counter to get to the snack cupboard. Someday you'll be best friends.

Here are a few things you should know about us; we have a lot of fun together, next summer will be your first of many camping trips to Killbear, you have a crazy cat and a really annoying dog, Mommy and Daddy work really hard to give you and your sister everything we had growing up and more, we may not always get along but we will always make up, and we will always get through difficult times. 

We love you so much already and can't wait to welcome you home.



9 Months

This pregnancy has been pretty great.  We had a bit of a rocky start at the beginning when I had an ovarian cyst that caused some bleeding and made me think I was miscarrying again, but turns out this little baby was in it for the long haul.

I graduated from college and started working full time in my third month, just when things were getting a little easier.  Thankfully I had a little more energy and my "all day sickness" was subsiding. I finished work on June 30th, just as sitting at a desk was starting to get uncomfortable.  I don't know how working moms work right up until their due dates.

At 20 weeks we had an ultrasound to find out the sex of our little peanut. I thought for sure this one was a boy and Pete was secretly hoping for a boy even though he said he'd be happy either way. But when we were told by the tech that she was pretty sure it was a GIRL we couldn't have been happier.  My heart instantly felt so full, probably at the exact moment that Pete realized he was about to be outnumbered.  It's all good though, this man was meant to be a girl dad.

This pregnancy has gone pretty smoothy and the only real complaint I had, that stuck with me pretty much from 20 weeks on was difficulty breathing.  I felt like I could never get a full breath, and with the weather getting warmer it only got worse.  Apparently it's a perfectly normal pregnancy symptom and is caused by the increase in blood in my body. But it SUUUUUCKED.

On the up side, my gluten intolerance has completely disappeared. So I've been eating all of the bread, pizza and doughnuts that I can get my hands on, which has been a blessing during my most nauseous days.  Aside from the occasional indulgence, I've actually been eating really healthy this time around.  I've craved a lot of fruit and fresh juices. Specifically mangoes, grapes and oranges.

So as we count down the final days of my pregnancy before my due date on Monday August 21st,(only four days away!!!) here I am clearly trying to cram the details of 10 months into one blog post. Nearing the end I've tried to stay active by going on nightly walks with the fam, who have clearly become bored but are still such good sports always keeping me company

We're all trying to be more patient than the last time around, when at 38 weeks I was already pacing the house begging for Chloe to come out.  She was 5 days early, but if this baby needs more time I'm trying to tell myself that it's probably for a good reason.  But seriously, sleep is getting really uncomfortable. I basically just lie in bed all night half asleep thinking that it could happen at any minute. And it could!

Here's hoping my next post will be a birth story!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Saying Goodbye

Goodbye to the little baby we'll never get the chance to meet, and goodbye to the little brother or sister. Goodbye to pregnancy, I'm sure we'll meet again.

     Last week we said goodbye to (what would have been) our second baby, who stopped growing too soon.

     Subconsciously, I had a feeling something wasn't right. My pregnancy symptoms disappeared a few weeks back, and I just chalked it up to being that lucky pregnant chick that everybody hates. An easy first trimester. Wishful thinking, I guess, and a little naive. 

     The truth is, I never thought it would happen to me. I'm too young, too fit, too healthy, taking all the right vitamins, getting enough sleep, and most of all, I've done this successfully once before. That's all well and good, but 1 in 4 pregnancies won't make it into the second trimester, regardless of whether it's your first or fifth time around the pregnancy block. There was nothing we could have done. These things happen. 

     We'll never know what went wrong, but I now know what's right about experiencing a loss like this.  I've never felt so lost and so loved all at the same time.  I'm lucky to have the unconditional love and support of family and friends at a time like this, the strength of a man to lift me up and tell me never to apologize, and best friends to tell me I'm beautiful, and that I don't have to explain myself to anyone.  These are the reasons that I'm okay today. 

     Eventually, I'll trust my body again to give it another shot. For now, I'm doing the best that I can. To be an even better mom and to cherish every moment with my not-so-little girl, to love deeper, a man who would take all my pain for himself if he could, and lastly, to be in the moment, less consumed with the what's next, and more accepting of what happens when you stop making lists and schedules.

     And above all else, to love myself fully. This body is capable of some pretty miraculous things, and someday maybe we'll test it out again. ;)

All my love and gratitude for the kind words,

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