Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Saying Goodbye

Goodbye to the little baby we'll never get the chance to meet, and goodbye to the little brother or sister. Goodbye to pregnancy, I'm sure we'll meet again.

     Last week we said goodbye to (what would have been) our second baby, who stopped growing too soon.

     Subconsciously, I had a feeling something wasn't right. My pregnancy symptoms disappeared a few weeks back, and I just chalked it up to being that lucky pregnant chick that everybody hates. An easy first trimester. Wishful thinking, I guess, and a little naive. 

     The truth is, I never thought it would happen to me. I'm too young, too fit, too healthy, taking all the right vitamins, getting enough sleep, and most of all, I've done this successfully once before. That's all well and good, but 1 in 4 pregnancies won't make it into the second trimester, regardless of whether it's your first or fifth time around the pregnancy block. There was nothing we could have done. These things happen. 

     We'll never know what went wrong, but I now know what's right about experiencing a loss like this.  I've never felt so lost and so loved all at the same time.  I'm lucky to have the unconditional love and support of family and friends at a time like this, the strength of a man to lift me up and tell me never to apologize, and best friends to tell me I'm beautiful, and that I don't have to explain myself to anyone.  These are the reasons that I'm okay today. 

     Eventually, I'll trust my body again to give it another shot. For now, I'm doing the best that I can. To be an even better mom and to cherish every moment with my not-so-little girl, to love deeper, a man who would take all my pain for himself if he could, and lastly, to be in the moment, less consumed with the what's next, and more accepting of what happens when you stop making lists and schedules.

     And above all else, to love myself fully. This body is capable of some pretty miraculous things, and someday maybe we'll test it out again. ;)

All my love and gratitude for the kind words,

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Monday, February 24, 2014

12 Weeks

How far along?  12 weeks
Total weight gain:  2lbs
Maternity clothes:  Just lots of comfy and warm stuff.
Stretch marks: No
Sleep: Sleeping great.
Best moment this week: Canada winning gold in Men's and Women's hockey! (and all the candy eating during the games)
Movement: A few flutters here and there if I'm lying really still.  Also could still just be gas.
Cravings: Cherry Pepsi, bulk candy is my BFF, any type of baked good...looks like I'm headed in the same directed as last time as far as weight gain.  It's best if I don't talk about it. ;)
Anything making you queasy? Nothing at all.
Gender: Unknown.
Labour Signs: Nope
Symptoms:  It's been so strange to me that I've had VERY few symptoms this time around.  It even got me a little worried but after a quick google search, I've been assured that it's pretty normal and that I should just be counting my lucky stars I'm not hunched over the toilet this time around.  I feel fantastic and I have tons of energy.  Just keeping my fingers crossed that I stay like this for a little while longer...or the entire time...I'd be good with that too.  The few symptoms that I do have include, sore boobs, mood swings, and my face looks not unlike a teenage boys.  I'll take it!
Belly button: Just ew.
Emotions:  Ups and downs all day long.  Hubby hasn't killed me yet.
Excited for:  Some warmer weather.  I am sick of being cooped up inside and feeling like a popsicle all day long.  Can't wait to do some spring/ summer shopping.  I imagine myself to be living in maxi dresses and sun hats all the rest of my days.

Baby is the size of a Peach!

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C's First Yearbook

After C was born, I took a moment to look through my own baby book and noticed that my baby pictures were few and far between, and I also didn't have a whole lot documented from my first year.  It would have been awesome to read back on my life as a baby, especially being a new mom myself.  So I decided to create a yearbook for C's first year, and I plan to do the same for Baby #2, and also a family yearbook for each year after the babies turn One.

With all of the awesome technology that is available for photo storage and editing, it's become super easy to manage and store the millions of photos that I took of C in her early days.  I used the Shutterfly webite to create her yearbook.  It was so easy and turned out even better than I thought it would.

This is the 12x12 glossy version.

I told her story from the very beginning with the monthly belly photos that we took.

We documented her nursery, which is nice because we've already changed it so much to transition her to a big girl room that I'm sure we'll forget how special this space was to us.

...and all of her first holidays.

I did a page dedicated to her First Birthday Party and added in a letter that I wrote to her on that day.

These are just a few of the pages out of the 30 page book. 

Since I documented each month of her first year on the blog, it was easy to copy in a message about her milestones, our everyday routines, and her likes and dislikes.  

I just know that I would think it's hilarious to read all about what I was like as a baby, and I'm sure one day C will appreciate having this book.

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