Saturday, September 1, 2012

A Pre-Second Baby Letter to Myself

So You Really Want a Second Baby?  
WARNING... this gets a little graphic.

Read this letter on the days when you wake up to C with the hugest smile on her face and you think... I WANT MORE OF YOU!

Read this when you can't believe you made this little babe, and she is the sweetest, most cuddly girl, and she melts your heart.
and you think.... I could make you a little brother or sister no problem... maybe tonight!

Read this when you watch 3 back to back episodes of A Baby Story and you're a big blubbering mess.
and you think... I'm jealous of these new moms and I want that feeling again.

Read this...

Remember when you had a stash of granola bars and puddings beside your bed because you couldn't make it through the night without feeling starved and/or nauseous.

Or the time when you had an appointment but couldn't make it out the door without a plastic bag in case you were sick.

Or when you couldn't make it to work because you couldn't lift your head off your pillow... at 4:30 pm.

Remember how sore your boobs were and how you couldn't even wash yourself in the shower, they were so sensitive.  Think of how your cute, perky nipples will never be the same again...looking all tribal and shit.

How about the time when you had a migraine for 3 days straight and you couldn't take any pain killers.  Or that chest infection that sent you to the emergency room only to be sent home and told to wait it out.

Think of the 20 times when you couldn't enter the grocery store because even the thought of meat, dairy, or vegetables made you salivate and dry heave.

Or how you could only eat pizza for weeks.

Remember when you had a crazy sex drive one day and then absolutely no drive the next and your hubby was really confused.

Think of the mood swings, better yet, ask the hubs to remind you.

Think of your last week of pregnancy... feeling so swollen, hot, and down right uncomfortable in your own skin.  Think of the week of early labour, the contractions, the pelvic pain, diarrhea, nausea, exhaustion.

Think of the pain that came with the contractions once your water broke.  Think of wishing you were the young girl in the car beside yours on the way to the hospital, and not yourself, because it was too painful.

Remember kneeling on the floor of the L & D waiting room with other expectant Mom's watching you in horror.

Remember begging for the epidural and being told you might not be able to have one because of your tattoo.

Or hearing that your babies heart rate dropped and they had to pull her from you so quick that you tore.

Remember the two minutes of silence, when you didn't know if your baby was alive.

Think of the recovery.  The 15 stitches, the swelling, stinging, and the UTI.

And whatever you do... do not think of the connection between you and your little girl.  Don't think about the look of relief in her eyes when she heard your voice for the first time, after being yanked from her comfy little world.  And definitely don't think about how she needs you more than anyone and always will.

Maybe... just don't think.

xo, Kiara

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