Post Baby Bod

     I'll just start by saying, once you have a baby, you have this new profound love for your body.  It's like any insecurities I once had, the usual #whitegirlproblems, instantly vanished.  By no means do I intend for this to be any kind of show off post about how I lost the baby weight.  Mostly, I think it's necessary to show how important it is to love yourself because, as a woman, you can do some seriously amazing things.  

  
     Your body is well equipped to make a baby in nine short months, and once you're at your worst, you somehow manage to use your own strength to maneuver that 6 plus pound baby out of your tiny frame.  How?!  It just doesn't make sense...but somehow it happens.  And after all that, you heal up and lug that heavy kid around for another couple of years.

Hold me up Momma, you're not tired!

So... here's the deal... 

     I ate everything in sight.  Like anything and everything I've ever wanted because it was good for baby.  Right? that's what you're supposed to do?

     I'm talking Dairy Queen pretty much every day, poutines, pizza coated in mild wing sauce, pastries and brownies galore.  Never did I ever want anything to do with anything green and leafy, or high in protein.  Nope...carbs and high fat dairy is where it was at.  There was no way I wanted an underweight, scrawny baby.  (Yet, she still came out at 6lbs15oz, which was skinny.)

Let's just get one of everything.

     I seriously packed it on.  And I felt bad about it when my doctor asked me if I was having a baby or an elephant.  I kid you not, those words came out of my doctor's mouth.  I felt bad about it for all of 10 minutes.  Once I left her office... I headed to the nearest Marble Slab.

Apparently my body wasn't the only thing I let go...someone needs a mani. Yikes!

     Ladies! Don't ever, ever feel bad about indulging and satisfying your cravings when you are pregnant.  There's a reason for it.  The foods that contain the highest levels of bacteria, ex. fruits and vegetables, dairy, and meat, will probably be the foods you are least interested in.  Your fetus is a little genius already.  Little smarty pants doesn't want to risk being contaminated.  Eat what your body tells you.

      

So here's what I did...

     I tried to stay fit once I found out I was pregnant.  I did yoga and walked around the block every night until I strained my S.I joint hiking.  Which is pretty common in pregnancy.  Once I pulled that sweet move,  I stopped most activity all together.

This must be the pretty sight that the hubs got to look at for a good 7 months straight.

     I ate everything.  If I wanted a poutine for breakfast, I got it.  When I desperately needed 4 packs of Pillsbury turnovers, I ate them all and didn't share.

     I hoped that once I popped this kid out, I would get my love of veggies back and I would start working out whenever I was ready.

     I didn't rush things.  I wanted to take advantage of my post-partum body for as long as I could.  I needed all the newborn snuggles that I could get with my soft, squishy body.   It was the best.

What do you want to do today C? This? Okay me too!

     The day I got home from the hospital was the day my veggie cravings began.  I literally only wanted salads and grilled veggies for every meal.  I couldn't even stomach the thought of eating anything deep fried, or any kind of meat.  My body wanted green nutrients.

     Eating healthy, along with breastfeeding, got me back to my pre-preggers weight at around 8 weeks post-partum.

At around 10 weeks post-partum,  I started doing yoga and I began running again.

Here's the progression of my body...

 

My pre- pregnancy weight was 125lbs

 I gained a total of 35lbs.

 I lost 14lbs before I got home from the hospital and C weighed almost 7lbs of that.

Today I weigh 124lbs.

     No need to stress.  Do what feels right while you're cooking that little babe.  Once you accept that your post baby bod will never look the same as it did in your glory days, you can feel better about your battle flab.  Yeah I said it... battle flab.  And it's worth every roll.

xo, Kiara

A Pre-Second Baby Letter to Myself

So You Really Want a Second Baby?  

WARNING... this gets a little graphic.

Read this letter on the days when you wake up to C with the hugest smile on her face and you think... I WANT MORE OF YOU!

Read this when you can't believe you made this little babe, and she is the sweetest, most cuddly girl, and she melts your heart.
and you think.... I could make you a little brother or sister no problem... maybe tonight!

Read this when you watch 3 back to back episodes of A Baby Story and you're a big blubbering mess.
and you think... I'm jealous of these new moms and I want that feeling again.

Read this...

Remember when you had a stash of granola bars and puddings beside your bed because you couldn't make it through the night without feeling starved and/or nauseous.

Or the time when you had an appointment but couldn't make it out the door without a plastic bag in case you were sick.

Or when you couldn't make it to work because you couldn't lift your head off your pillow... at 4:30 pm.

Remember how sore your boobs were and how you couldn't even wash yourself in the shower, they were so sensitive.  Think of how your cute, perky nipples will never be the same again...looking all tribal and shit.

How about the time when you had a migraine for 3 days straight and you couldn't take any pain killers.  Or that chest infection that sent you to the emergency room only to be sent home and told to wait it out.

Think of the 20 times when you couldn't enter the grocery store because even the thought of meat, dairy, or vegetables made you salivate and dry heave.

Or how you could only eat pizza for weeks.

Remember when you had a crazy sex drive one day and then absolutely no drive the next and your hubby was really confused.

Think of the mood swings, better yet, ask the hubs to remind you.

Think of your last week of pregnancy... feeling so swollen, hot, and down right uncomfortable in your own skin.  Think of the week of early labour, the contractions, the pelvic pain, diarrhea, nausea, exhaustion.

Think of the pain that came with the contractions once your water broke.  Think of wishing you were the young girl in the car beside yours on the way to the hospital, and not yourself, because it was too painful.

Remember kneeling on the floor of the L & D waiting room with other expectant Mom's watching you in horror.

Remember begging for the epidural and being told you might not be able to have one because of your tattoo.

Or hearing that your babies heart rate dropped and they had to pull her from you so quick that you tore.

Remember the two minutes of silence, when you didn't know if your baby was alive.

Think of the recovery.  The 15 stitches, the swelling, stinging, and the UTI.

And whatever you do... do not think of the connection between you and your little girl.  Don't think about the look of relief in her eyes when she heard your voice for the first time, after being yanked from her comfy little world.  And definitely don't think about how she needs you more than anyone and always will.

Maybe... just don't think.

xo, Kiara

C's Birth Story

Born May 31, 2012 at 12:40am, 6lbs 15ounces and 20 Inches Long, Baby Girl C came into the world and I fell in love all over again.

     On Wednesday afternoon I headed up to meet my besties on a patio for Milkshakes!  I had been anxious all day, cleaning the house until it was perfect and organizing and finishing the Nursery.  I had no idea that I would go into labour that evening, but apparently my body did.  I remember thinking, after I had finished up my big To-Do list, that I now feel completely ready to go into labour.  We sat on the Patio and drank our delicious milkshakes and did some catching up then we headed home, joking that the milkshake might just do the trick, since I'd been in early labour for about a week.  About 5 minutes after dropping my BFF off, I was driving down Main Street on my way home, and my water broke.  I felt a balloon pop inside of me and a huge gush of water and before I knew it the seat of my Dads car was soaked.  I frantically reached for my phone.  I probably should have pulled over first, but I made it home alive in the end and needed to call P right away.  He was at band practice and answered my call before the first ring was over.  I told him my water broke and he needed to meet me at home, THIS IS IT!

     I got home and made my way up to our bedroom and just stood there with a towel around me.  I took some deep breaths and tried to mentally prepare myself for what I was about to go through.  When P got home we decided we would wait until my contractions were at their worst before we headed in to the hospital.  I lasted a whole 20 minutes before screaming my way to the car.  The entire 10 minute car ride was a blur of excruciating pain and when I got to the hospital the nurse took me to a room right away.  I figured I was probably scaring the other labouring Moms with my screaming.  The Nurse checked me and I was at 4cm, I had already been at 3cm the week before.  I remember thinking to myself that it wasn't possible that I had only progressed 1 cm with that much pain.  I couldn't sit down or lie down on my back and I started to panic and told the nurse that I needed the epidural yesterday.  She was amazing.  She helped me TRY to breathe and got the anesthesiologist to the room very quickly.

     As they prepped my epidural, I laboured on.  My contractions were relentless and on top of each other giving me no time to center myself in between.  About an hour later, they gave me an IV and numbed my back and administered my epidural.  I have never in my life been so grateful for the lady who gave me the drugs.  I thanked her 10 times over and lied down and relaxed finally.  I continued to contract for another 20 minutes, pain free, when the nurse checked me and I was already 8 cm dilated.  If you're keeping up, that's 4 cm in one hour!! No wonder I wanted to off myself. :)

     The nurse called the doctor in, who was not my OB/GYN, but at that point I really didn't care, and she told me I was 9 cm dilated and it was time to start pushing.  Everything was happening so fast and my Mom hadn't made it to the hospital yet, since we told her it would probably be another couple hours of labour.  I started pushing and was told that our baby's heart rate wasn't recovering, since I had overlapping contractions.  I was told we would have to use a Vacuum to get her out as quickly as possible.  I pushed for not even 30 pain free minutes, when the doctor said "look down, here is your baby".

     When I saw my Baby Girl for the first time, she wasn't moving or crying.  They quickly took her over to the pediatric team. After about two of the longest minutes of my life, I heard my baby cry for the first time.  I was sobbing and shaking as they placed her on my chest and had her Daddy cut the umbilical cord.  That was the happiest and most memorable moment of my entire life and probably the rest of my life.  The whole labour and delivery was and is still pretty blurry, but those first few seconds where I got to look into C's beautiful bright eyes, are and forever will be crystal clear in my mind.  She is perfect.  Everything I'd hoped for.  She has my nose and chin, and her Dad's beautiful eyes.  We are truly the luckiest parents to be given a perfect little gift.  Words can't really explain the feeling I have when I stare at her pretty face.... and I do ...for hours every day.  Being a parent has so far been the most rewarding experience in my life.  And my reward for birthing this little angel... WINE! finally :D

Labour Scare & Awesome Surprise!

     The last 24 hours have been a big insane jumble of emotions for us.  At around 3pm on Thursday I started having contractions, which I thought were just some pretty intense Braxton Hicks contractions at first.  We decided I should go in and get checked out around 5 o'clock when they got a little worse.  They admitted me right away and hooked me up and checked me and saw that I was dilated to 1cm.  Which wasn't a big deal at this point as long as I didn't progress and further.  They decided to monitor me for another 4 hours to see if I dilated any more.  In the mean time I continued to have pretty strong contractions every minute, lasting about a minute long.  I was in the first stages of real labour.  Real contractions are nothing at all like the Braxton Hicks that I've been feeling for a month now.  My belly was rock hard and distorted and the pain radiated into my hips and back.  

     After an ultrasound, some bloodwork and a steroid shot to strengthen baby girls lungs in case she was born that night, they checked me again and I was dilated about .5cm further.  This is when I started to panic and they told me they would be keeping me over night.  I was an emotional wreck and all I could think about was how she wasn't ready yet, we weren't ready yet.  I just couldn't get the thought of our sweet baby girl coming out at 4lbs.  Which is what they guessed she would weigh at 32 weeks.  The doctors did everything to make sure that wouldn't happen.  They gave me medicinal patches to lower my blood pressure, stop the contractions, and hopefully prevent active labour.  I was admitted over night and sent Dad home to get some stuff for us and prepare for whatever was going to happen.  At this point we didn't even have diapers or a blanket for her... we expected to have another 8 weeks to prepare for this night.  

     Over the next 6 hours I had contractions that were definitely getting worse, and a million thoughts rushing through my head.  Eventually exhausted, with Dad trying to get some rest in a really uncomfortable looking recliner beside me, my contractions lessened and I fell asleep for an hour or so.  When I woke up my contractions had stopped and they unhooked me from the monitors so I could get some rest.  After a couple hours of light sleep the nurses came in to remove one patch at a time and see if I was going to start having contractions again.  This was our moment of truth. 

     They sent me for another ultrasound to make sure I hadn't dilated any further and to check on our baby girl.  This was what felt like the best morning of my life so far.  I hadn't dilated any further and we were told that our little one wasn't as little as we had worried about.  She is about 5lbs now, with a full head of fluffy looking hair, my nose AND...best of all...she's in the perfect position with her head down, but not too low.  They decided she was happy and content with sticking around for at least a little longer.  I sobbed and laughed and felt big time relieved.

And...they gave me food... :):)

     Later that afternoon, I got a second steroid shot for her lungs just in case she decided to try to come early again, and we were sent home for some much needed rest.

     What a crazy, eye-opening experience.  I guess I never realized how quickly things can change and how just because you picture in your head how things are going to happen, doesn't mean they will always work out that way.  We are just so lucky and grateful that Baby Girl is going to have a little longer inside to fatten up. ...I guess I really wasn't ready to let her go yet.

     We're also extremely lucky to have such supportive people in our lives.  Without you guys and your positive thoughts, I would be an even bigger wreck than I already am sometimes.  I'm so grateful for every one of you.  Most importantly, I've watched a boy turn into a brilliantly supportive and understanding man over the last year.  You've completely blown any expectations that I thought I'd had of the father of my babies out of the water.  I can't thank you enough for giving me the life I've always dreamed of.  <3

On a happier note... 

     When we got home from the hospital there was a package waiting for us outside our door.  It was a gift from my Aunt & Uncle.  She must have known that I'd need a little uplifting that night because when I opened the package, I started sobbing at all the cute outfits she had gotten Baby Girl...things that she wouldn't even have come close to fitting in if she had been born the night before.  These are the CUTEST onesies I have ever seen and totally my style....can't wait to put a chubby baby into them!  

LOVE EVERY BIT OF IT! ...elephants are my favourite!

adorable...

love the ruffles on her bum! ...  and JEANS!

so sweet...