Saying Goodbye

Goodbye to the little baby we'll never get the chance to meet, and goodbye to the little brother or sister. Goodbye to pregnancy, I'm sure we'll meet again.

     Last week we said goodbye to (what would have been) our second baby, who stopped growing too soon.

     Subconsciously, I had a feeling something wasn't right. My pregnancy symptoms disappeared a few weeks back, and I just chalked it up to being that lucky pregnant chick that everybody hates. An easy first trimester. Wishful thinking, I guess, and a little naive. 

     The truth is, I never thought it would happen to me. I'm too young, too fit, too healthy, taking all the right vitamins, getting enough sleep, and most of all, I've done this successfully once before. That's all well and good, but 1 in 4 pregnancies won't make it into the second trimester, regardless of whether it's your first or fifth time around the pregnancy block. There was nothing we could have done. These things happen. 

     We'll never know what went wrong, but I now know what's right about experiencing a loss like this.  I've never felt so lost and so loved all at the same time.  I'm lucky to have the unconditional love and support of family and friends at a time like this, the strength of a man to lift me up and tell me never to apologize, and best friends to tell me I'm beautiful, and that I don't have to explain myself to anyone.  These are the reasons that I'm okay today. 

     Eventually, I'll trust my body again to give it another shot. For now, I'm doing the best that I can. To be an even better mom and to cherish every moment with my not-so-little girl, to love deeper, a man who would take all my pain for himself if he could, and lastly, to be in the moment, less consumed with the what's next, and more accepting of what happens when you stop making lists and schedules.

     And above all else, to love myself fully. This body is capable of some pretty miraculous things, and someday maybe we'll test it out again. ;)

All my love and gratitude for the kind words,

This Life I Live...

     I'm a lucky girl.  I'm a Sagittarius, the luckiest of all the signs.  I don't think I'd even change a single thing about my life and how it has panned out.  I've always wanted to be a mom.  Even at a really young age, I remember wanting to have a baby (or ten) so that I could have my own classroom.  With some experience under my belt, I've definitely pulled back on that idea and I'd be perfectly content with two or maybe three babies.  Not complaining though, this IS the life I've always dreamed of.

     Of course, some days are bad.  Like really really bad.  Like I just want to hide from my family and watch an entire four seasons of a show alone in bed, while eating Cheetos.  And other days, I want to pull my hair out because not one single person understands that I could use an hour to myself just to stare at a wall.  But other than that, the good most definitely outweighs the bad.

     I see pictures of people vacationing somewhere hot and breathtaking, or know people taking courses so that they can eventually land their dream job, or sleeping in until noon and then going back to bed, and I get jealous for a minute. Then I remember that I chose this and I wouldn't have it any other way.

     We're doing things in a different order than the average couple, but that doesn't mean it has to suck.  The sacrifices we're making now, to raise a family and pay a mortgage, will probably give us the freedom in our mid to late 30's to do all of the things we dream of doing.  Like backpacking across Europe, or taking an Alaskan Cruise, Camping for two weeks in Tobermory, or taking a last minute trip to Vegas to drunkenly get hitched.

     I've come up with a plan in the time since we've become young parents, and it goes a little something like this...  have babies, raise babies, make money, save money, have modest amounts of fun, strengthen our love and build our home, then, find a baby-sitter, or dump our teenage kids at their grandparents, or leave them with our friends who all now have their hands full with babies, and BAIL.  Next, do all of the things that we never go to do while we were busy changing diapers and issuing first class tickets to time out.

And at that age, our sex drives will be in full gear, and we'll do it all the time, and everywhere.  And then drink champagne and sleep until whenever we want.

THE END

Finding Balance

Times they are a changing

HUGE

     This week we celebrated our first year of home ownership, and just around the corner is the day I've been dreading for the last few months, C's First Birthday.  (invitations are ordered :( wah) People always told me to slow down and cherish every moment because before you know it you're old and you can't wipe your own bum.  Ok, no one said those exact words, but I know that's what they were getting at.

     As I'm typing this, I'm watching C walk back and forth from the TV to the ottoman transporting the remote and a dirty sock.  I swear just yesterday she was being placed on my chest in the hospital room.

     We've worked hard for everything we have, and with A LOT of help from family and friends, I finally feel like I'm exactly where I want to be.  But of course, it's inevitable that as soon as you start to get comfortable, change happens and sends you wandering off in a new direction, pulling up your big girl pants all the while.

     Next month, I'll be starting work from Monday to Friday.  Whoa! A real person job. It's been so long since I've had a structured schedule that I forget that a clock serves a purpose other than letting me know when nap time is.

     The hubs will also be on the road a lot over the next few months for work.  He'll be away throughout the week, while I'm home working, and taking care of Chloe.   It sounds like a shitty deal but it's actually going to be really good for us.  This way I'll get the space I need to do me things, and we'll still have our weekends together.


     It's really hard for me to put myself first, because I'm always taking care of everyone and everything.  That's what being a mom does to you.  I literally have not shaved my legs in two weeks.  Sometimes though, you need to back off and let things go, and do you.

Me Things include:

reading trashy celeb magazines

scratching bingo cards

eating way too much chocolate, potentially an entire cake.

blaring Miranda Lambert at 7am

yoga & runs

KUWTK/ property brothers marathons

new mani's every night (hubby hates the smell, so I rarely do it)

baths

coffee/wine on the back deck

cooking/ eating whatever the fuck i want (something that doesn't include sausage, bacon and BBQ chicken thanks, fucking men)

     I never realized exactly how necessary it is to have your own space, in a relationship. I guess we've been too busy raising a baby together, to realize that we were driving each other insane.

     There's no doubt that we're crazy about each other, but in my own words... "seriously sometimes, just gtfo."

     When you have the chance to miss each other, it makes you appreciative, and less, I MIGHT PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE IF I HEAR YOU BREATHE ONE MORE TIME.

Ahhh married life.  And everyone wonders why we don't feel the need to make it legal.

...that nonsense is expensive, for something we already have.

Summer Bucket List

Oh hello, Spring. So nice of you to join us.  In honour of this beautiful weather that's been popping up randomly over the last couple weeks, I present to you... 

our my summer bucket list.    

I was hoping to just "not find" a job until after the summer.  Once I had completely overstayed my welcome on the unemployment party boat.  However, that is not the way my cards were dealt, so I'll be spending my weekdays contributing to society once again.  

Here's all the fun stuff I'd like to accomplish, mostly on my mornings and weekends off.

1. Camping at Killbear

2. Day trip to Long Beach

3. A bowling date night or two

4. Drive In - with and without the babe

5. Swim at an outdoor pool

6. Wild Waterworks

7.  Shop at the Niagara fruit stands

8.  Trip to the farmers market

9.  Winery Tour

10.  Hike the Devil's Punchbowl

11.  Sound of Music Festival

12.  Ribfest

13.  Play Bar Golf on Augusta Street

14.  Cottaging - mooch off friends or family (you know who you are!)

15.  See a Blue Jays game

16.  Lunch at Port Dalhousie

17.  Buy a bike and ride the trails

18.  Run a 5k

19.  Get a pedicure

20.  Camp out in our backyard

21.  Teach a yoga class at preschool

22.  Rock badass cowboy boots

23.  Roast s'mores

24. Go fishing

25.  Jump into the Hagersville quarry

26.  Cook with herbs from the garden

27.  Go sailing

I'll be updating this list at the end of the summer and hopefully I'll have scratched most of these off.  

Otherwise if I don't update, it's because I've failed miserably and I'm embarrassed that I didn't have as much fun as last summer...

100th Post

     I can't begin to thank you guys enough for encouraging me to keep this blog going and for sticking around to read it.

     When I started writing here, it was mostly out of boredom.  Being preggers, I wanted something to fill my time with, that obviously didn't involve my usual hobbies; drinking and hosting parties.  Now, I write to vent, organize my life, and preserve memories for C and our family.

     Thanks for following our half-assed attempts at parenting, and our what did we get ourselves into home renovations.

In honour of my 100th post...

a sneak peek at one of the pages from the Shutterfly Photobook that I'm making for C's First Birthday.

What do you think?...

top pic is me, middle pic is C, bottom pic is P

I crack up every time I look at that pic of the hubs.  Holyyyy chunkster, lay off the Oreos.

Weekly Roundup Via the Camera Roll

We had a few sickie days, 

consisting of lots of rest and giving each other the stink eye.

Then we felt better and got back to our silly selves.

We did some work on operation income suite.

We put the finishing touches on the living room.

Now we're just waiting on carpet.

We spent a much needed day outside, soaking up the warm sun.

You spent the night at Nana's house.  And woke up with some curly hair.

...So that Momma and Daddy could have a much needed date night.

We said goodbye to a pesky pet.  

A nice lady with way more patience than us adopted her.

See ya later kitty.  You sure were cute but this was the tenth last straw.

We ate all the meat.

Well... 

your Auntie Sarah did a number on those ribs, 

but you were pretty interested.

Let's talk about sex, baby... or what happens after.

Let's talk about raising a baby!... since I'm down three quarters of a bottle of shiraz and half a bag of chocolate covered almonds.  There's really no time like the present.

After hearing AMAZING news today, that a very, very dear friend of mine is expecting, I'd like to reminisce and share some insight in the form of verbal diarrhea.  Here goes...

As far as I'm concerned, nothing in this world compares to being pregnant, birthing a baby, and watching a newborn grow into a toddler.  Motherhood, single handedly beats out any other profession.  Personal shopper, and wine sommelier being a close second and third.

I can honestly say the only thing stopping me from having five babies in a row, is that occasionally we put off paying the cable bill so that we can order takeout sushi instead.  We aren't rich and we do strongly promote post secondary education, and hope to one day send the smartest one of our kids to college.  

(I kid, I kid.) 

But seriously, making babies, having babies, chasing babies around... are all the best things on this planet.

It's pretty challenging for a while, especially the first few months, but it absolutely gets easier and a whole lot more fun.  Some days are exhausting, and I can say I have most definitely cried five to 10 times once or twice, right a long with my hysterical, teething child.  But morning comes, and you see that squishy, smiling face looking up at you all excited, and suddenly you're a morning person again, when you haven't been a morning person since the 7th grade.

Every single baby in this world is different in a million different ways.  It's very difficult to say that what works for one baby will work for another.  One thing I wish I had done before C arrived, was read a few more books on actual babies, instead of mostly pregnancy books.  I say this because I've learned a few things the hard way.  Some of the things I learned through trial and error were basic things like... sleep patterns, how much food and when, and educational activities.

Some books I would recommend are:

What to Expect, the First Year - For basic everyday info. and milestones.  However, I'm sure there are other books out there that are just as good, if not better, and similar to that one.

The Lull-a-baby Sleep Plan - For sleep training tips starting at 8 weeks of age.  This is one of the books I read while I was still pregnant that made me realize how big of a deal helping your baby sleep is.  Eventually I combined this book with the next one for ultimate baby sleep strategizing...

Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child - For help with sleep problems and a more in depth idea of how babies sleep.  The importance of letting your baby learn to self soothe (for older babies, I for sure do not mean let them cry it out).

Brown Bear Brown Bear What Do You See - Don't laugh...I'm serious. This book is the best.  I started reading C this book when she was newborn and now whenever I say 'brown bear', she races to her book shelf and picks it out of a pile of books.  And she has added Cat to her vocab.  Pretty awesome for a 9 month old.  (yeah, yeah my babies a genius...)  Books in general are the best learning tools.  Dur.

One thing that trumps anything any baby book will ever tell you, is the help and advice from your own mom.  If you're still here and reading this, it means she did things right, so give her a chance.

Some books I would not recommend are:

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding - Unless you want to feel like a total asshole for not breastfeeding.  Whatever the reason, be it that it just didn't work out, or that you choose to formula feed, they will make you feel like you don't deserve to be a mother unless you nurse. I wholeheartedly agree that breastfeeding is beneficial and I know first hand that it helps you drop baby weight like it's hot, but it's a personal choice.  If you need help, make an appointment with a lactation consultant, who is hopefully not a member of the La Leche League.

Go the F*%$ to Sleep - Just kidding, this book is hilarious and awesome.  Just skip the swears if you plan on reading it as a bed time story, or before you know it your kid will be ripping curse words.

Another totally awesome thing to read is this article about parenting... because it's awesome and completely true.

Parenting... you're probably doing it wrong anyway.

Happy Reading!

Life Via the Camera Roll

We went swimming...

and loved it...

tried working out again...meh...

we lazed around...

 we too advantage of the beautiful weather...

we had lunch outside...

we changed up our sleep schedule...

and got mad about it...

we switched from winter wear...

 to summer wear...

(make up your mind climate)

we finally started painting our living room...

I'm Alive and Kicking.

     Just popping in to say Hey! and let you peeps know that I do still own a computer, I just don't own a life anymore.

     I will hopefully be throwing up a couple new posts sometime this weekend when I get a second to sit down and digest the fact that my maternity leave has prematurely ended and instead of taking care of one baby, I am now attempting to impart wisdom on 24 other babies. Yikes! Who hired me?!

     Things I will be talking about include; why it's important to read the baby books before you actually have the baby, how insane it is to be a full time mom and a full time employee, and how sleep schedules change and as a mom you're supposed to adapt to that (who knew?!...smart little buggers, they are)  Also, C's nine Month Post will hopefully be up before she hits 10 months.

     Side note:  Thank you for all of your amazing comments on my posts on Instagram and Facebook! I really had no idea anyone was actually reading my excessive rants, let alone enjoying them.  I keep posting mainly to keep my thoughts in check...hence why I disappear when I have zero time for thoughts.

Welp See Ya Later!

One Year Ago... **sapfest alert**

One year ago, I was feeling what I imagined was the happiest I could ever possibly feel. I was getting used to my big belly and all the little ways C let me know she was happy in there too.  I was pretty high on life.

I was experiencing pregnancy for the first time while continuing to grow closer to the person I loved.  Little did I know that it was just the beginning and it was about to get hella better (again... who freakin says that?!... it's a slight addiction, and I already know I need to stop, so I'm not in denial, I'm past that step, but it's just hard to kick okay).  I always picture my heart dancing around, complete with finger dance moves, when I think about how I cashed in huge on this guy.

Life changed quickly. We landed our first home, I quit my job for a more important one, and we dove headfirst into parenthood.

If there's anything that can make you love someone more than becoming a Mom and Dad together, I have yet to experience it.  It's the best journey to take with the person you hope to spend the rest of your life with.  What an adventure it's been.

I mean, we knew we had love for eachother, but we had no idea that we would compliment each other as parents so perfectly, let alone refrain from killing each other during the tough times. I think we're doing alright.  :)

To the man who gave me the world, I love you for everything you are.

Makeup Must Haves

Clockwise from L to R

Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion:
It's unlike any moisturizer I've ever tried, and I have ridiculously dry skin.  It's the perfect base under foundation.
Maybelline Dream Fresh BB Cream:
I use this stuff when I don't want full makeup.  It's light and has a built in moisturizer.  It's a little oily, which is perfect for dry skin, and I follow with a translucent powder for a matte look.
Mac Studio Fix Fluid: 
Recommended by my bestie.  This stuff makes your skin look flawless and hides fine lines.  It's worth spending a little extra on good foundation.
E.l.f Studio Blush:
A basic blush that lasts all day.
N.Y.C. Liquid Eyeliner:
Goes on smooth and stays on and at $3, it's a steal.
Maybelline Baby lips Lip Balm:
Silky deliciousness, 'nuff said.
Make Up For Ever Full Cover Concealer:
I bought this approximately 3 years ago and there's still lots left.  Yay for never-ending products.  This shit covers EVERYTHING.
Maybelline Lash Stilleto:
Holy long lashes... this mascara rocks.

Weekly Roundup via the Camera Roll

We discovered our twin...

We woke up slowly...

We watched a storm brew...

and brew...

We did some shovelling...

and day drinking...

We had a girls night...

We got a little a lot silly...

We tried new things...

A pretty successful week if you ask me...

xo,  Kiara